Nursery Crimes

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty dumpty had a great fall,
All the police horses and all the police men,
Noticed the bottle of Vodka and Gin.
So he was cautioned and sent on his way,
And told not to drink for the rest of the day.
So off he stumbled with a crack on his head,
To get himself home and safely to bed.

Hush, little baby, don't say a word
We wouldn’t want you to be heard
Now this might hurt and this might sting
But soon you shouldn’t feel a thing
And if you struggle, if you strike
We’ll do things you will not like
And when it’s over and you fall down,
You'll still be the sweetest little baby in town.

Georgie Porgie pudding and pie,
Would watch the boys and girls go by.
He told no one, a typical liar,
For this was his dark desire.

The Grand old Dealer of York he had ten thousand grams
He buried them under the garden path,
and sometimes round his nans.
And when they were high, they were high
And when they were low, they were low
And when they had smoked all of there dope,
They were neither high nor low.

Mary had a little pram she pushed it to and fro;
And everywhere that Mary went, the pram was sure to go.
She pushed it home and to the park and even into school,
The other children laughed at her and made her look a fool.

Mary, Mary quite contrary,
How did you become a mum?,
‘With mini skirts and low cut tops,
And thongs that ride up my bum’

Mary Mary quite contrary,
How did you become a mother?,
‘By sleeping around with all the boys,
Even my younger brother'

Three blind mice,
Three blind mice,
See how they run, see how they run,
They all run away from the federal bank,
With bags full of money, what a terrible prank,
If they get caught they’ll be sure for a spank,
Those three blind mice.